World Cup Wrap Up - July 8

Germany 7 - 1 Brazil

The first of our semi-finals pitted two classic powerhouses against each other, Brazil vs. Germany. Would have been slightly easier to get truly pumped for this game if they had put in more than one good performance combined over the past two weeks, but nothing's bringing me down for this, let's gooo!!!!

In an gesture of solidarity (because apparently Neymar died and isn't just out for 4 weeks) Julio Cesar and David Luiz held up Neymar's jersey during the Brazilian national anthem. It was an emotional moment, and worked wonders for the Brazilians as the came out and DOMINATED the first 5 minutes of play.

Unfortunately for Brazil, Germany finally remembered how to play soccer after forgetting how in every game since their 4-0 drubbing of Portugal and went up 5-0 before half time. Apparently if you take away Thiago Silva from Brazil's back line they turn into swiss cheese and have the tactical acumen of chickens with their heads cut off. Literally too many goals to post, but below was the most egregious of the goals conceded by Brazil. So glad I finally got to use the word "shambolic."

Brazil had their hearts collectively ripped out and were so devastated they forgot to start swearing at their own players until well into the second half. In 20 years Brazil may not even have a soccer team because I'll be surprised if any kids watching this game will ever want to play again.

Brazil thought they might have a chance to make the scoreline a little less embarrassing in the second half, but even when the German team starts slacking off, Manuel Neuer is still an absolute monster in net (and Paulinho still can't finish for dick.)

And because apparently being down 5-0 at home in the World Cup semi-finals wasn't embarrassing enough, Maicon decided to add fuel to the fire and took a horrendous dive in the box. Maybe he was trying to take some attention away from the scoreline with the ridiculous theatrics? Good try, good effort.

Luiz then reminded everybody that, despite his best efforts to try to convince people that he's a good guy, he still is an absolutely massive cunt. Especially after his bullshit Mr. Niceguy ploy with James Rodriguez after their game against Colombia, it was great to see my opinion of Luiz justified with this chickenshit move to try and tick a ball at Neuer. Be a bigger pussy Luiz. You can't.

Brazil then responded to the final whistle with a quick prayer to thank God that the score had only been 7-1. because if Germany hadn't taken their foot off the gas it easily could have been 10 or 12. 

On of the biggest collapses in World Cup history, and undoubtedly one of the worst days in Brazilian soccer history. Germany were outstanding, but the fact that they only play well once every few weeks and this generation still hasn't won a major trophy means the final should be close, even if Argentina and the Netherlands continue to struggle to the finish. Hopefully there'll be 8 more goals on the docket tomorrow. Only 2 more real games left. 5 day boners until the finish. Let's do this.