National Report - Phoenix, AZ — In an ironic twist of a fate, a mascot for a Christian anti-masturbation group was arrested Sunday for masturbating in public. The organization recently finished a federally funded 31-city nationwide school tour which it says focused on educating both children and parents about the dangerous consequences of masturbation.
Fappy The Anti-Masturbation Dolphin, whose real name is 35-year-old Paul Horner, was arrested on Sunday atMetta Yoga in Phoenix after employees notified police about a man with no pants on peering through office windows.
As far as public masturbation stories go, I feel like this one may be the least shocking of all time. I mean an kids anti-masturbation mascott? It's almost like the story was written in the stars.
Let's face facts: anti-masturbation freaks are already tightly wound and absolutely insane. When you or I are a little stressed or feeling a little off, what do we do? Easy; crack stick and get back to work. But our buddy Paul Horner here couldn't do that. So what happens when a guy who is already a little wacko goes for an extended period of time without the best anti-stress coping mechanism in the history of human kind? It's not like he's getting the release he needs from fucking chicks - last time I heard guys walking around in dolphin suits don't pull the kind of pussy you'd expect. So no, I'm not exactly shocked that this guy was caught masturbating outside a Yoga clinic when normal dudes can barely handle that kind of temptation even with all the jerking off they want. Next time don't be an anti-mastubation advocate you fucking lunatic.
p.s. Fappy is a FIRE name for an anti-masturbation dolphin mascott.
p.p.s. for whatever reason the phrase "a man with no pants on peering through office windows" was laugh out loud funny to me. Great mental picture of some pantsless deviant sneaking up on unsuspecting office windows and doing his worst.
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