Ashley Cole says coming to the US would be like relaxing on a beach; kicks MLS right in the dick

ESPN FC - New Roma signing Ashley Cole has said he rejected offers to play in the United States because he is "not ready to relax on a beach yet."

Cole, 33, was released by Chelsea this summer and had been linked with a move to Major League Soccer.

However, while his former Blues teammate Frank Lampard is expected to join new MLS franchise New York City FC, Cole will continue to play in the Champions League.

"I had offers from the USA, but I'm not ready to relax on a beach yet," the former England international told reporters at Rome's Fiumicino airport. "I've won a lot in my career already, but I don't want to stop.
Well, jeese Ashley, no need to be an ass hole about it. Sure, MLS maybe isn't as good as the Serie A and it's basically a retirement league for every European star who has decided to keep playing well beyond their prime, but to compare it to relaxing on the beach? Now you're just being a dick.

Not to mention this comes at a time when soccer excitement is at historically high levels in the US. We're just coming off one of the most exciting World Cups in recent memory, the US managed to string together a couple of good performances, people are talking about the sport, aaaaaand wait a second your national league is a joke and all your teams blow. Did I just rain on your parade?? LOL suck my dick h8rs!!

It may not top that one time he shot a kid a point blank range with an air rifle, but this was kind of a dick move by the big man.


p.s. not to mention the beach metaphor isn't even accurate. Bro, like half the teams in MLS are in Kansas City and Salt Lake and shit. If you want the beach its basically LA Galaxy or GTFO. Read a fucking book for once.